The world looks a lot different now to me than it did a year ago. I went from going to class every day and being physically present with peers to now being attached to my computer, at home, and in many ways isolated.

School and life are a lot different, and it is stressful. Due dates, due dates, and more due dates are all I hear and see. But I don’t hear "take a break and relax." 

Every day is the same routine: get up, get dressed and sit at the desk looking at Blackboard. Honestly, I am mentally drained and tapped out. 

It's been all gas, no break.

But school is not my only problem. I am also dealing with life, and life can be hard sometimes. Mentally I feel drained and disconnected.

No spring break means sixteen weeks straight with a day off here and there. 

“Here I am in week nine questioning myself, senior Allyssa Brand-Bey says to herself. "Am I really learning or just going through the motions to get assignments done and make sure my grades don’t suffer."

“Have you just sat and relaxed," I ask. "Have you made sure you are mentally good?" 

The answer is "no." I have, in a way, shut down and just forced myself to get stuff done. 

My life is pretty hectic, and I feel like I have no control over it. It has been a year of isolation, not seeing family and friends, and staring at the same four walls day after day. 

My life has been staying in the house to stay safe as I have pre-existing conditions. Whenever I try doing something outside of the house, I get anxious that I could be exposed to the coronavirus.

Apart from doctors' appointments and school work, I am also dealing with bills and making sure my family is safe, all the time trying to stay sane. Self-care these days has become slim to nothing at all after homework and all the running around. I am too tired to do anything but shower and get into bed. 

I need a serious break, and I need to get away. I need time to myself to build myself back up and feel energized again. 

I have hope that the rest of 2021 is better. Perhaps the vaccine can help lift this fog over many of us? Regardless, I am looking forward to a much needed summer break.

Meanwhile, it's back to the books and the computer and preparing for my next class.